Posted on 26 October 2017 - 12:17 AM
Do you think god stays in heaven because he lives in fear of what he's created?Posted on 26 October 2017 - 12:59 AM
Metarus wrote
Respect, end???
Blade, say
Set, sweats (the s throws it off)
Anger, cancer (ger vs cer, it kind of works but also not too well)
Good, mood
Lizzy, cheesy
Devil, evil
Bellow, elo
Is, this
Swore, sword
There was also some decent use of iambic pentameter on some lines, but others didn't use it, kind of breaking the rhythm. A lot of the rhymes you made could be made to rhyme just via slam rhyme, as some great poets (even some like Shakespeare) use it, although some of them would be really awkward. You could like say Bee-low for bellow to make it sound like elo, this could be something like thiz for is (which is pronounced more like iz) so the rhyming does mostly work, but there are some parts where it doesn't.
A good thing to remember about poetry is that the rhythm is the most important thing. Prioritise something like iambic pentameter (if you don't know what that is, I'd advise you look it up, it's just a hard syllable follow by a soft syllable [iambic] repeated 5 times [pentameter] for a total of 10 syllables) over rhymes, because although rhymes definitely do help, they are hard to incorporate and can often make word selection difficult. Overall though, this is a really neat and cute poem and I think you've done a great job for a meme.
Didn't write this as seriously as you seem to think but appreciate the feedback regardless
Posted on 26 October 2017 - 02:34 AM
Ryankoo1 wrote
Metarus wrote...
Didn't write this as seriously as you seem to think but appreciate the feedback regardless
Posted on 26 October 2017 - 04:58 AM
I'll hit you with the passive aggressive full stop Ryan.Posted on 26 October 2017 - 09:53 AM
+1Posted on 26 October 2017 - 03:02 PM
Darkening_ wrote
holy shit
Posted on 26 October 2017 - 05:28 PM
This made me nutPosted on 02 November 2017 - 06:33 AM
Having second thoughts about this :thinking:Posted on 02 November 2017 - 06:57 AM
PART 2 BITCHPosted on 02 November 2017 - 08:24 AM
Mine was betterPosted on 02 November 2017 - 11:06 AM
minecraftPosted on 16 November 2017 - 07:21 AM
Pika12LP wrote
I lied, too lazy to write a part 2 XDDDDD
Posted on 17 November 2017 - 02:29 AM
Automatically DeletedPosted on 17 November 2017 - 11:38 AM
Ryankoo1 wrote
Pika12LP wrote...
I lied, too lazy to write a part 2 XDDDDD
Burn me
Posted on 17 November 2017 - 09:44 PM