Posted on 27 June 2016 - 05:01 AM
The rope hangs from aboveAs we think of our love
We think of the end
We just want time to bend
We try to fend off our demons
By making them disappear
But really its weary
Hear me out the rope from above
Shows the circle of love
It goes around and around
Please keep your heart apound.
Yes I wrote this by myself. No name because I dont think a poem like this needs a title, it says it all inside.
Posted on 27 June 2016 - 07:09 AM
okPosted on 27 June 2016 - 03:46 PM
i cri evritimLast edited on 27 June 2016 - 04:03 PM by Morsinius
The rope hangs from aboveAs we think of our love
(1)We think of the end
We just want time to bend
(2)We try to fend off our demons
By making them disappear
But really its weary
(3)Hear me out the rope from above
Shows the circle of love
It goes around and around
(4)Please keep your heart apound.
(1) - "We think" repeated twice doesn't sound good
(2) - The no-rhyming gimmick can't pass here because the lines don't really introduce anything new
(3) - Delete "hear me out"
(4) - Sorta doesn't fit with the rest but it's fine
(5) - You repeat "love" and "the rope" twice – change your wording or use some metaphorical description to make it sound less redundant
Posted on 27 June 2016 - 04:06 PM
Morsinius wrote
As we think of our love
(1)We think of the end
We just want time to bend
(2)We try to fend off our demons
By making them disappear
But really its weary
(3)Hear me out the rope from above
Shows the circle of love
It goes around and around
(4)Please keep your heart apound.
(1) - "We think" repeated twice doesn't sound good
(2) - The no-rhyming gimmick can't pass here because the lines don't really introduce anything new
(3) - Delete "hear me out"
(4) - Sorta doesn't fit with the rest but it's fine
(5) - You repeat "love" and "the rope" twice – change your wording or use some metaphorical description to make it sound less redundant
God
Posted on 27 June 2016 - 04:17 PM
Moved to off topic.Posted on 27 June 2016 - 04:17 PM
Morsinius wrote
As we think of our love
(1)We think of the end
We just want time to bend
(2)We try to fend off our demons
By making them disappear
But really its weary
(3)Hear me out the rope from above
Shows the circle of love
It goes around and around
(4)Please keep your heart apound.
(1) - "We think" repeated twice doesn't sound good
(2) - The no-rhyming gimmick can't pass here because the lines don't really introduce anything new
(3) - Delete "hear me out"
(4) - Sorta doesn't fit with the rest but it's fine
(5) - You repeat "love" and "the rope" twice – change your wording or use some metaphorical description to make it sound less redundant
Don't we got a poem Nazi.
Last edited on 27 June 2016 - 04:36 PM by SadBoy2013
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